TERRELL OWENS SIGNS WITH THE BENGALS
Too many jokes.....I'll get back to this when I narrow it down to around 20 or so.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
DEZ BRYANT REFUSES TO CARRY ROY WILLIAMS’ SHOULDER PADS I’m actually going to defend both sides of this situation. I’m not a fan of any kind of ridiculous rookie hazing…but I respect tradition.
Dez Bryant, you’re acting like Roy Williams was directing this at you. Guess what? You’re not that special. He would’ve done this to anyone inside that helmet you’re wearing. Everyone in your sport has to go through it whether you like it or not. During preseason of my freshman year of college, after every session (4 of them a day), I was responsible for gathering all the soccer balls everyday during preseason (for 2 weeks). At the end of every session, every senior would pick up a ball and punt it at least 50 yards in every opposite direction…I spent half of my break time looking for them. Not fun. And if I recall, my signing bonus wasn’t exactly close to yours. If I exclaimed out loud, “Guys! I came here to play soccer, not to get balls,” I would’ve been made fun of for A) bitching about it and B) for the way I just phrased that. My point…suck it up and carry his shoulder pads back to the locker room. Don’t try and be a trend setter. In this day and age, you’re not gunna be a trailblazer…although you’re acting like an athlete that could play for the Trail Blazers.
Roy Williams…really? You’re hazing people? If I was Dez Bryant I would’ve pulled out your stat sheet from your time with the Cowboys, handed it to you and said,”…Where’s Jason Witten? I’ll be glad to carry his shoulder pads.”
If you're gunna haze rookies, don't do it in a way that creates tension within a team, do it in a way that insinuates team camaraderie.
Dez Bryant, you’re acting like Roy Williams was directing this at you. Guess what? You’re not that special. He would’ve done this to anyone inside that helmet you’re wearing. Everyone in your sport has to go through it whether you like it or not. During preseason of my freshman year of college, after every session (4 of them a day), I was responsible for gathering all the soccer balls everyday during preseason (for 2 weeks). At the end of every session, every senior would pick up a ball and punt it at least 50 yards in every opposite direction…I spent half of my break time looking for them. Not fun. And if I recall, my signing bonus wasn’t exactly close to yours. If I exclaimed out loud, “Guys! I came here to play soccer, not to get balls,” I would’ve been made fun of for A) bitching about it and B) for the way I just phrased that. My point…suck it up and carry his shoulder pads back to the locker room. Don’t try and be a trend setter. In this day and age, you’re not gunna be a trailblazer…although you’re acting like an athlete that could play for the Trail Blazers.
Roy Williams…really? You’re hazing people? If I was Dez Bryant I would’ve pulled out your stat sheet from your time with the Cowboys, handed it to you and said,”…Where’s Jason Witten? I’ll be glad to carry his shoulder pads.”
If you're gunna haze rookies, don't do it in a way that creates tension within a team, do it in a way that insinuates team camaraderie.
You have to capitalize on these chances to write about wide receivers acting like prima donnas cause it almost never happens in the NFL.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
THE E.R. BRAKE
I was on the train today and saw the "public" emergency brake. The sign above it read "TO OPEN DOOR FOR EMERGENCY, BREAK GLASS, PULL HANDLE." After I read it, I thought about it for a second...then another second...then another second...then I looked cautiously over my shoulder...looked left...looked right...and with curiosity in my mind, gently touched the glass with my hand to see what kind of glass we'd all be dealing with if an actual emergency took place. I kind of had it in mind that for some reason it would be breakable glass...apparently I watch too many movies...not the case. Turns out it's actual glass...can't fault them there (they have it in CAPS in the directions). OK...so now...if an emergency occurs...where I have to "BREAK GLASS" then "PULL HANDLE", am I just cocking back and breaking this glass with my hand? Not as easy as they make it sound. Cause there's nothing more embarrassing than either A) missing the glass with an overly enthusiastic haymaker that lands on the girl next to the glass or B) punching it as hard as you can and just splintering it (not really sure if "splintering" is even a word but it is now). I feel like the person best equipped to take charge at this time is the one who takes out a hammer from their bag and smashes it. Done. Smashed. Handle is pulled. We're off the train. Every one's safe...and now in the company of someone who's randomly carrying a hammer at 2am.....maybe that was the emergency on the train.
I was on the train today and saw the "public" emergency brake. The sign above it read "TO OPEN DOOR FOR EMERGENCY, BREAK GLASS, PULL HANDLE." After I read it, I thought about it for a second...then another second...then another second...then I looked cautiously over my shoulder...looked left...looked right...and with curiosity in my mind, gently touched the glass with my hand to see what kind of glass we'd all be dealing with if an actual emergency took place. I kind of had it in mind that for some reason it would be breakable glass...apparently I watch too many movies...not the case. Turns out it's actual glass...can't fault them there (they have it in CAPS in the directions). OK...so now...if an emergency occurs...where I have to "BREAK GLASS" then "PULL HANDLE", am I just cocking back and breaking this glass with my hand? Not as easy as they make it sound. Cause there's nothing more embarrassing than either A) missing the glass with an overly enthusiastic haymaker that lands on the girl next to the glass or B) punching it as hard as you can and just splintering it (not really sure if "splintering" is even a word but it is now). I feel like the person best equipped to take charge at this time is the one who takes out a hammer from their bag and smashes it. Done. Smashed. Handle is pulled. We're off the train. Every one's safe...and now in the company of someone who's randomly carrying a hammer at 2am.....maybe that was the emergency on the train.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
"D-Wade, he's the unselfish guy here," James said. "To be able to have Chris Bosh and LeBron James, to welcome us to his team, it's not about an individual here. "It's about a team." -LeBron James
Sorry, refresh my memory. When you go 3rd person, are you "about an individual" or "about a team?" Just wondering.
Sorry, refresh my memory. When you go 3rd person, are you "about an individual" or "about a team?" Just wondering.
ARTICLE ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF JAYSON WERTH GOING FROM THE PHILLIES TO EITHER THE YANKEES, red sox OR RAYS
“He is the piece for all those teams,” said a person not affiliated with any of the four teams involved.
So let me get this straight…anyone from my mom to my local dry cleaner might have said this? At least they narrowed it down to “a person”.
“He is the piece for all those teams,” said a person not affiliated with any of the four teams involved.
So let me get this straight…anyone from my mom to my local dry cleaner might have said this? At least they narrowed it down to “a person”.
LEBRON JAMES, DWAYNE WADE AND CHRIS BOSH WERE GIVEN KEYS TO THE CITY EARLIER TODAY
Ok…does anybody know what the hell giving somebody “a key to the city” means? Seriously. Give these guys a key to my apartment so the next time I forget my keys and am locked out of my apartment at 3am, I don’t have to sleep in the hallway. “LeBron it’s Nate…sorry…yeah, locked out again…I don’t know, I think in my golf bag?...Thanks man, really appreciate it…yeah, I’ll be in the hallway.” Sounds like a pretty prestigious honor.
Probably should also be noted that in 1980, Saddam Hussein was awarded a key to the city of Detroit by Mayor Coleman Young. Kind of makes hearing that Terrell Owens has a key to the city of Buffalo sound not that ridiculous.
Ok…does anybody know what the hell giving somebody “a key to the city” means? Seriously. Give these guys a key to my apartment so the next time I forget my keys and am locked out of my apartment at 3am, I don’t have to sleep in the hallway. “LeBron it’s Nate…sorry…yeah, locked out again…I don’t know, I think in my golf bag?...Thanks man, really appreciate it…yeah, I’ll be in the hallway.” Sounds like a pretty prestigious honor.
Probably should also be noted that in 1980, Saddam Hussein was awarded a key to the city of Detroit by Mayor Coleman Young. Kind of makes hearing that Terrell Owens has a key to the city of Buffalo sound not that ridiculous.
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