FREE TICKETS TO A SPORTING EVENT

It's always impossible to find a person to go to a game when you have an extra ticket. And as you start going down the list of people that you'd want to go, the more out spokenly shocked and unintentionally rude you become. The last person you ask that says,"I can't go", you're like,"Damn! I CANNOT get rid of these!!!"

TRANSLATION- "Man, I can't even get YOU to go. And I've asked EVERYONE I know before I asked you!"

SPOILER ALERT!

Scrolling through movies and the "INFO" button for Turner & Hootch (before you make jokes, I've also had a Mike's Hard Lemonade today so pick the joke you wanna use and you only get one) says...

"A picky police investigator decides to shelter a lone murder witness, a huge slobbering dog who wreaks havoc before his nose finds the killer."

A preview?...OR exactly what happens including the ending?

Gotta Set My Goals Higher

Jack LaLanne swam the length of the Golden Gate Bridge...
...underwater
...while hand cuffed
...and shackled
...all while towing a 1,000 pound boat
...at 61 years of age.

Meanwhile, I slept until 2:30pm today.

Football and 80's Music...What's not to like?

The NFL season has reached the halfway point and instead of Mid-Season awards, I've assigned each quarterback a song from the 80's that sums up their season so far. And for my next trick, I will waste the next week and a half you-tubing every 80's song that was ever made while doing my best not to late night drunkenly text ex-girlfriends when I get to the ballads section. 

NY GIANTS- Eli Manning: High Enough, Damn Yankees

Dallas- Dak Prescott/Tony Romo: At This Moment, Billy Vera

Philly- Carson Wentz: Every Rose Has Its Thorn, Guns 'n Roses

Washington- Kirk Cousins: Don't You Want Me Baby, Human League

Atlanta- Matt Ryan: Under Pressure, Queen

New Orleans- Drew Brees: Don't Dream It's Over, Crowded House

Tampa Bay- Jameis Winston: Smooth Criminal, Michael Jackson

Carolina- Cam Newton: Do You Really Want To Hurt Me, Culture Club

Minnesota- Sam Bradford: Careless Whisper, George Michael

Detroit- Matt Stafford: Cruel Summer, Bananarama

Green Bay- Aaron Rodgers: Don't Stop Believin', Journey

Chicago- Jay Cutler: Hard To Say I'm Sorry, Chicago

Seattle- Russell Wilson: Like A Virgin, Madanna

Arizona- Carson Palmer: Forever Young, Rod Stewart

Los Angeles- Case Keenum/Jared Goff: Who Can It Be Now, Men At Work

San Francisco- Colin Kapernick: Born In The USA, Bruce Springsteen

New England- Tom Brady: You're The Best Around, Joe Esposito

Miami- Ryan Tannehill: Blame It On The Rain, Milli Vanilli

Buffalo- Tyrod Taylor: Take It On The Run, REO Speedwagon

NY Jets- Fitzpatrick, Smith, Petty, Hackenberg: Summer Of '69, Brian Adams

Houston- Brock Osweiler: Money For Nothing, Dire Straits

Tennessee- Marcus Mariota: St. Elmo's Fire, John Parr

Indianapolis- Andrew Luck: Here I Go Again On My Own, Whitesnake

Jacksonville- Blake Bortles: Another One Bites The Dust, Queen

Baltimore- Joe Flacco: Don't You Forget About Me, Simple Minds

Pittsburgh- Ben Roethlisberger: 18 & Life, Skid Row

Cincinnati- Andy Dalton: Bringin' On The Heartbreak, Def Leppard

Cleveland- Cody Kessler: Look Away, Chicago

Oakland- David Carr: The Right Stuff, New Kids On The Block

Kansas City- Alex Smith: If I Could Turn Back Time, Cher

Denver- Trevor Siemian: Don't Know What You've Got 'Til It's Gone, Cinderella

San Diego- Philip Rivers: Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, U2

Apparently No Place In The World Compares To....(Ron Burgundy Voice)... Cleveland???

Lebron James tonight-

"If you're not from here, live here, play here, or dedicate yourself to Cleveland, then it makes no sense for you to live at this point," James said.

You're aware that you insisted on having a national broadcast on ESPN to tell the world that you were leaving Cleveland and going to play for Miami right?

"...then it makes no sense for you to live at this point."

I'd say that's slightly over the top. But then again, I've only flown through Cleveland.

Also...raise your hand if you've ever "dedicated yourself to Cleveland". And if you're raising your hand, stop, because you haven't. And if you actually have?.....Stop.

ANNNNND He's Back...With an 80's movie question...

The movie Teen Wolf...
I'm not sure who should be more confused here...the guy at the bottom of the pile trying to wrestle the ball away from Michael J. Fox, who all of a sudden turns into a werewolf for the first time...
..or me, who is watching this movie and contemplating this scenario.
I feel like the both of us are equally confused.

Thanks for the pep-talk Coach...

A local high school football coach on his team's preparation for their game against Staten Island...

"I told the boys all week this is gunna be a bar room brawl - bottom line. It's got nothing to do with X's and O's, it's about who punches who in the face and who gets up and punches right back."

Unfortunately for him, people from Staten Island have experience in 3 things -

1. not knowing X's and O's,

2. bar - room brawls

3. and punching people in the face