I love NYC...because just when you think you're out of things to write about...in walks the guy wearing a full karategi onto the subway platform.

Thank God they cut to a meterorologist before the Yanks/Tampa Bay game to give the forecast during the game...which was being played in Tampa...where they play in a dome. It would've been more helpful if they cut to me 20 minutes ago when I was trying to spell the word "meteorologist"...which I just had to dictionary.com

How warm is Coors Light?

So instead of only having just one bar on their bottle that indicates that a Coors Light bottle is "Cold", Coors Light has now provided more evidence to state their claim that their beer is not warm. The new bottles now have two bars that indicate if the bottle is "Cold" or "Super Cold". I'm kinda without words right now. So I'm guessing this new bottle is for people with hands that lack sensory nerves? Or just people without hands.

If Horses Could Talk.....

There was a headline about The Preakness that read "LOSING JOCKEYS HAVE THEIR SAY".

And here's what they had to say.....These are the jockeys that couldn't win , for apparently, these reasons.....

"For a while, I thought we were going to hit the board, but he just was not quite good enough." -Edgar Prado

"He didn't handle the track." -Martin Garcia

"He didn't try." -Garcia

I spoke to a few of the horses after the race and the general consensus was "STOP F-ING WHIPPING ME A$$HOLE!"

The other horses mumbled something along the lines of "STOP F-ING WHIPPING ME A$$HOLE!"

The other horses I spoke with were out of breath after running one and three-sixteenth of a mile under two minutes with a person on their back. The one horse that would talk, Flashpoint, said,"F-ck you Roger Bannister, try that with me on your back."

Then the horse said, "Yo Nate, this post is way too long." He was the one that didn't appreciate the "Why the long face" comment. Also probably why he finished last.....too busy thinking about jokes.

The Masters Tournament...

• You wanna make golf a little more interesting? Make a rule where they have to finish a beer on every hole. Talk about some good interviews.


• CBS Announcer on Tiger....."Tiger's had a rough week." A rough week?


• Toss in the camera man in charge of locating and then tracking the golf ball in mid-flight into the discussion of world's most difficult professions.


• Also toss it into the discussion of "How the hell did you get that job" discussion


• South African Charl Schwartzel finished Sunday with four birdies, a course record. He also set a new course record for the amount of times someone asked "Who the hell is Charl Schwartzel?"

Quick Hits...

• Dunkin' Donuts is now selling stuffed pepperoni breadsticks. In rationalizing there decision to market such an item they replied, "Well, America just isn't fat enough."


• Sonic, none of your branches are in NYC...stop with your commercials that air in NYC. And while we're at it...just stop in general.


• The Egyptian King Cobra that went missing from The Bronx Zoo was found the other day. Zookeepers had been looking for the cobra for over a week and found the snake coiled in a secluded dark corner -"almost exactly as we would have predicted," Zoo director James Brehemy said. "Almost exactly as we would have predicted." Let me break this quote down for you..."Almost exactly"- so you didn't think it would've been in a corner. "As we would have predicted"-so you didn't even make a prediction. Strong case Mr. Breheny. That was actually his 2nd quote after finding the snake. His 1st quote being, "THANK F-CKING GOD!"


• How are some of the comics in the paper still being published? Like the ones that are slightly complicated and end with "To Be Continued", what's that all about? It's a comic, finish it. I know what you're thinking right now, how'd I get so smart.

Dear Sportswriters,

Please stop predicting the outcome of the Final Four games at this point. There's an 11 seed, an 8 seed, a 4 seed and a 3 seed. At this point, I think it's perfectly OK for you to join the rest of us in saying, "Yeah, I have absolutely no idea."