Dolphins players crawl across field searching for $50,000 earring

Miami Dolphins defensive end Kendall Langford lost one of his $50,000 earrings during practice because he forgot to remove them beforehand.

This is why people don't have sympathy for professional athletes.

Whenever someone complains about how ridiculous the enormous contracts are that pro athletes sign, I always defend the athletes by saying they're paid according to their market value. It's a stance that I feel everyone should apply to their own profession. But, it's stories like this that make it difficult to justify. When you make enough money to sport $100,000 earrings...be responsible for them. There's a sentence I never thought I'd say.

Dwight Howard wants a tiger...

Over the last few years there has been speculation that professional athletes have lost their professionalism. And it's comments like this that don't exactly help their rally to deter such thoughts...

Orlando Magic Center Dwight Howard, speaking about his recent trip to India where while he was there saw a few tigers, said,"I've always wanted to own my own tigers." Ok...if you have a red flag, please throw it. "I've always wanted to own my own tigers." I'm skeptical when Jack Hanna brings a bird onto the Letterman set (and I'm pretty sure Letterman is too by the way). I used to have to convince my parents that the goldfish I had just won by tossing a ping-pong ball into its' bowl had a promising life ahead of it if I took care of it the right way. Which by the time I was finished with my convincing argument (at age 9), the fish was already dead...it may or may not have had something to do with the fact that it lived in a plastic bag overnight.

My advice to Dwight Howard is; get a goldfish first, see how it goes, if you can keep it alive during your 82 game season, then go for the tiger. That way you'll have the whole off season to raise it. And if you have any questions, just give Mike Tyson a shout.

Dammit!

"Don't wrap my chute around the flagpole, don't wrap my chute around the flagpole, don't wrap my chute around the flagpo....DAMMIT!!!"

After 7 seasons, Jose Bautista locates his "Power Swing"

Jose Bautista, an outfielder for the Toronto Blue Jays, is the major league leader in home runs. He also leads the majors in "Most likely to be compared with Brady Anderson".

Bautista's home run and RBI totals over the past 4 seasons go as follows: 16HR-51RBI, 15HR-63RBI, 15HR-54RBI, 13HR-40RBI. Through August 24th, he has 40HRs and 95RBI. Anderson's totals for the 4 years before his "break out" season were: 21HR-80 RBI, 13HR-66RBI, 12HR-48RBI, 16HR-64RBI...then he went for 50HR-110RBI. Somewhere George Mitchell is contemplating coming out of retirement.

Dutch girl eyes record with round-world voyage

Laura Dekker, 14, will set off Saturday on a controversial attempt to become the youngest person to sail solo around the world.

Remember when you were 14 and asked your mom if you could take a quick sail around the world?

In defending their decision to allow their daughter to attempt this trip around the world, her parents said that Laura is "very mature for her age." I'm gunna stop ya right there. No she's not! She's 14! If she's mature for her age, put her in Honors English or give her some advanced logic proofs to work on.

"You seem pretty mature for a 14-year old...instead of bringing you up to the JV Sailing team, let's see how you hold your own in a little solo sailing trip around the world."

Robaire Smith is an NFL defensive lineman for the Cleveland Browns. His job requires him to fly. He's been in the league for 10 years. He's got a few flights under his belt. And at 32, I'm assuming he's heard a few things...one of them being that you can't bring a weapon onto a plane. That being said, he was stopped at a Michigan airport for carrying a gun through airport security. He was going through the bag check and they stopped him because a gun was found in his carry-on. Hey it happens to everybody...the whole "Oh shit (slap to the forehead), did I forget to take my gun outta of my bag?" thing. His quote is the best part about it. When confronted, he said, "I forgot I had a loaded gun in my carry-on." Now, the last time I was passing through baggage check, they questioned me as to why I had tweezers in my carry-on (which also made me question myself as to why I was carrying tweezers in my carry-on), and I went through an everything but cavity search to see if I was dangerous. I had to throw my tweezers away. Robaire most likely just had to check his loaded gun...and the Browns were 5-11 last year. Drew Brees, please check your carry-on before your next road game.

NY KNICKS RE-HIRE ISIAH THOMAS

Seriously, they did. I'm from NY, I live in New York City and love rooting for our home teams. The Knicks are making this tough to do.
The Knicks have re-hired Thomas as a consultant/player recruiter. Ok...there's a few things wrong with this. The first one being that Thomas is responsible for bringing in Eddy Curry, Jerome James, Jared Jeffries, Vin Baker and Steve Francis. How'd that pan out? The second one being that an NBA team representative cannot have contact with college underclassmen. Thomas is the head coach of Florida International University. I'm guessing he might have a few underclassmen on his roster. Toss in the $11 million the Knicks paid for his sexual harrassment case and the fact that when he was running the team they had the highest payroll in the league accompanied by the league's 2nd worst record, I'd say this is a sound investment. And LeBron can't save you now.

Not everyone likes bottles...

I'm sitting on my balcony tonight and I see a guy walking down the street with a garbage bag...and his bag is "clinking"...so I assume he's collecting bottles. I stand up and say, "Bottles? (and he didn't hear me so I said it a little bit louder) HEY, you want BOTTLES?? (thinking if he does, I'll give him the things in my recycling bin) And he gives me this 'eyebrow down, face cheeks squinted, head tilted up' look face. Now after that look, I know I've somehow crossed the line, whether I like it or not (or know it or not).....I'm not sure if it was the "Bottles?" comment or the "HEY, you want BOTTLES??" comment but this guy with a bag is more than pissed. He looks at me and goes, "What!?" .....(at this point I realize he lives across the street and is just taking out his garbage) I pause for a second and say, "Bottles?...Do we put them out tonight?" As he's walking back into his place, he looks over his right shoulder and goes, "Yeah."...then I retired from the balcony for a little while...and shut my blinds.