RE-COUNT! (for the A.L. CY YOUNG)

EVERYONE HOLD THE PHONE!  STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING!

The A.L. CY YOUNG ballots are in annnnnnnd...Kate Upton doesn't approve of the results.

Rick Porcello of the boston red sox won the 2016 A.L. Cy Young award. Detroit Tigers pitcher Justin Verlander, Kate Upton's fiancée, finished second to Porcello. She did not like that.

Upton expressed her thoughts on Twitter by acknowledging that Verlander, in addition to being a great pitcher, also gets to bang a supermodel.

"Hey @MLB I thought I was the only person allowed to fuck @justinverlander?!", Upton tweeted.

I think John Bender from The Breakfast Club would say,"I think Kate Upton and La La Anthony should get together and go bowling."

FREE TICKETS TO A SPORTING EVENT

It's always impossible to find a person to go to a game when you have an extra ticket. And as you start going down the list of people that you'd want to go, the more out spokenly shocked and unintentionally rude you become. The last person you ask that says,"I can't go", you're like,"Damn! I CANNOT get rid of these!!!"

TRANSLATION- "Man, I can't even get YOU to go. And I've asked EVERYONE I know before I asked you!"

SPOILER ALERT!

Scrolling through movies and the "INFO" button for Turner & Hootch (before you make jokes, I've also had a Mike's Hard Lemonade today so pick the joke you wanna use and you only get one) says...

"A picky police investigator decides to shelter a lone murder witness, a huge slobbering dog who wreaks havoc before his nose finds the killer."

A preview?...OR exactly what happens including the ending?

Gotta Set My Goals Higher

Jack LaLanne swam the length of the Golden Gate Bridge...
...underwater
...while hand cuffed
...and shackled
...all while towing a 1,000 pound boat
...at 61 years of age.

Meanwhile, I slept until 2:30pm today.

Football and 80's Music...What's not to like?

The NFL season has reached the halfway point and instead of Mid-Season awards, I've assigned each quarterback a song from the 80's that sums up their season so far. And for my next trick, I will waste the next week and a half you-tubing every 80's song that was ever made while doing my best not to late night drunkenly text ex-girlfriends when I get to the ballads section. 

NY GIANTS- Eli Manning: High Enough, Damn Yankees

Dallas- Dak Prescott/Tony Romo: At This Moment, Billy Vera

Philly- Carson Wentz: Every Rose Has Its Thorn, Guns 'n Roses

Washington- Kirk Cousins: Don't You Want Me Baby, Human League

Atlanta- Matt Ryan: Under Pressure, Queen

New Orleans- Drew Brees: Don't Dream It's Over, Crowded House

Tampa Bay- Jameis Winston: Smooth Criminal, Michael Jackson

Carolina- Cam Newton: Do You Really Want To Hurt Me, Culture Club

Minnesota- Sam Bradford: Careless Whisper, George Michael

Detroit- Matt Stafford: Cruel Summer, Bananarama

Green Bay- Aaron Rodgers: Don't Stop Believin', Journey

Chicago- Jay Cutler: Hard To Say I'm Sorry, Chicago

Seattle- Russell Wilson: Like A Virgin, Madanna

Arizona- Carson Palmer: Forever Young, Rod Stewart

Los Angeles- Case Keenum/Jared Goff: Who Can It Be Now, Men At Work

San Francisco- Colin Kapernick: Born In The USA, Bruce Springsteen

New England- Tom Brady: You're The Best Around, Joe Esposito

Miami- Ryan Tannehill: Blame It On The Rain, Milli Vanilli

Buffalo- Tyrod Taylor: Take It On The Run, REO Speedwagon

NY Jets- Fitzpatrick, Smith, Petty, Hackenberg: Summer Of '69, Brian Adams

Houston- Brock Osweiler: Money For Nothing, Dire Straits

Tennessee- Marcus Mariota: St. Elmo's Fire, John Parr

Indianapolis- Andrew Luck: Here I Go Again On My Own, Whitesnake

Jacksonville- Blake Bortles: Another One Bites The Dust, Queen

Baltimore- Joe Flacco: Don't You Forget About Me, Simple Minds

Pittsburgh- Ben Roethlisberger: 18 & Life, Skid Row

Cincinnati- Andy Dalton: Bringin' On The Heartbreak, Def Leppard

Cleveland- Cody Kessler: Look Away, Chicago

Oakland- David Carr: The Right Stuff, New Kids On The Block

Kansas City- Alex Smith: If I Could Turn Back Time, Cher

Denver- Trevor Siemian: Don't Know What You've Got 'Til It's Gone, Cinderella

San Diego- Philip Rivers: Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, U2